Seeking joy & Thriving

There are moments, niches in everyday life that show us glimpses of His glory- it is in seeking the Lord and finding our niche that we are able to thrive in who we are created to be.

Sometimes these moments and opportunities seem far and in between. Someimes in overflowing joy they seem to be an everyday abundance. In dark, dry, seasons, these moments appear as a glimmer of hope or a ray of sunshine in the darkness. A reminder of Who our hope is found in, a wave of Strength that encourages us to keep seeking and press on. In seasons of abundant joy, these moments seem to flow more freely. Just as when one is in love, everything seems brighter and glimpses of beauty are more easily seen. The opportunities to thrive seem endless; God's hand seems visible in each step.

His glory is not dependent on our circumstances. His beauty is always there, just not always easily seen. We live in a broken, sinful world. Our vision is clouded. Distractions appear at every turn. Both darkness and light contain deception. In darkness, He can seem far away. In light, it's easy to think that we can make it, that we can thrive, on our own.

All seasons should bring us to our knees. God is not a far off entity simply surrounding us with blessings so we can live life to the fullest how we want. He is not an entity simply surrounding us with blessings so we can live life to the fullest how we want. He is not one to abandon us the moment we are crushed in dispair or cry out that He has forsaken us.

He is with us every step f the way. He deserves, and demands, every moment, every breath of our lives. We are called to live and love as He has loved us, which isn't the vague, comfortable Christian life we so easily want to believe it is. We were created to find ourselves in who He is and learn what it looks like to thrive in who we were created to be.

Haiti is one of those niches for me. My heart for Haiti has only deepened since I've been there. I'm still reflecting on how He has worked on my heart those two short weeks and how He is continuing to. I still find myself dropping to my knees in prayer when I think of the people I met there. Only a week since I flew home, I find myself scrounging for more pictures and more stories of glimpses of His glory as well as of brokenness.

I have no grand, elaborate stories to tell of how mightily He rocked my world. Instead, there is an overflowing joy in who He is. A deep desire to know Him more. A peace that surpasses all understanding. An ache to not only continue serving here but to return to Haiti as well. I can't make anyone's jaw drop with miraculous stories. But I know His love a little more deeply. I'm encouraged, thankful, and refreshed, and the opportunity to thrive a bit more right where I'm at is worth volumes more than a mission trip high that quickly fades.

So here's to learning long after the plane ride home and thriving in everyday opportunities. Here's to knowing who He is a little bit deeper and therefore finding ourselves in Him. Here's to His timing, His plans, and His glory. Here's to finding our niche, whatever our circumstances.

Catching Up

I'm going to miss Haiti and the people in it so much. I absolutely love the Jeanty family...and may have gotten DJ hooked on Angry Birds. I already apologized to Pastor Jeanty for doing so. I'm ready to be home, but I don't want to leave. The people I've met have blessed me more than I could ever bless them. I've learned a little Creole and learned a lot about life here.

I never used to eat rice at home, but I've been enjoying it here...though I won't miss it once I get home. I've fallen in love with fresh coconut, plantains, and the eight varieties of mangoes. I'm not in love with the heat that drenches me in sweat, but I absolutely love the gorgeous palm trees and mountains. 

I've gotten used to the 45 minute drive when you want to get just about anywhere; I love the opportunity to just soak in everything around me. The sound of busy markets, the majority of people walking wherever they need to go. Those without running water gather what they can by the side of the road when the water pipes break, those without houses still live in tents or whatever abandoned building they can find. Almost a year and a half after the earthquake, so, so many are just trying to survive. 

The national unemployment rate in the US is 9.1%. Everyone's been affected by the economy in one way or another. The unemployment rate in Haiti is 70%. While that doesn't include those who receive money from family in the US and those that sell what they can on the streets, it gives a clear illustration of the poverty here.

There's something about this place. The kindness and hospitality of everyone I meet, the joy in children's eyes despite losing everything. The brokenness. The strength. There's something here that I can't place...but that I'm going to miss terribly. I have a feeling I'll be leaving a piece of my heart in Haiti. I have a feeling that this is just the beginning. God has given me this heart for the people here, and God-willing, I'll be back in this ridiculous heat with incredible people.

I haven't written for far too long. It was like every time I sat down I wasn't able to convey anything, even when I just tried to state the facts.

The rest of the week with my English class was wonderful. They learned 2 Corinthians 4:18 

(So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.)

in English, and after much effort, I learned it in Creole as well. Everyone in Haiti I've met loves to sing, and my class does as well. We would sing every day, sometimes many, many times, and just enjoyed each other's company. If I'm able to come back to Haiti, they would be some of the first people I would make sure I got to see. They even threw me a surprise party on our last day, saying things they had learned in English and saying their verse. They kept saying how thankful they were for me, but I don't think they understood just how incredibly thankful I was for them.

As I'd gotten more drained physically and emotionally, I also had times that I felt sick. Thankfully, it was never long enough to keep me from doing what I was asked. I still am just worn out by the middle of the afternoon every day. I think I'm more prone to the heat and climate since I already get sick easily. 

Several people have asked me what the cultural differences are, and though things are different in some ways, I can't pinpoint exactly how. Where you sit at the table matters and everyone is responsible for themselves in a lot of ways. Things are just expected to get done, and if I'm exhausted and sleep through my alarm after my afternoon nap, I will probably miss dinner. People will yell in conversation when they aren't angry, and people trying to earn money are much more aggressive. If there's a stoplight, you might find two boys washing off your car and hope you have cash on you. There is no drinking age, but many of the problems that exist in the US with underage drinking don't exist here. It just isn't a part of the culture. Then there's of course the greeting with a kiss. Thankfully, I got used to it slowly since most people know that a white foreigner will probably be used to handshakes. 

I'm excited for my last full day here, and sad as well. It's sure to be emotional. There's a lot I'm going to miss, but I'm looking forward to my own bed, air conditioning and hot showers. 

Brokenness and Endurance

So many dreams seem unreachable.
So many prayers seem to go unanswered.
The prayer of a mother for food to feed her seven children, her husband killed in the earthquake. 
The prayer for a husband.
The prayer for a child. 
The prayer for strength and better days.
The fervor of the prayer for the nation of Haiti. To grow strong. To overcome. To rebuild.
These are the prayers of the Haitian people. Kind in spite of hardship, strong in spite of broken hearts. Having great faith in spite of a seemingly hopeless situation.

Yesterday I was able to help with a vision clinic at a displacement camp. I talked and prayed with people (with a translator), sharing the gospel and gathering information before they had their vision checked. Many of these mothers and fathers are trying to feed 6 or more children. There were several men who wanted prayer to find a job, wanting desperately to provide for their families. There was one woman whose daughter was pregnant, overjoyed for her first grandchild! Too many women do not get prenatal care, too many die in childbirth. I pray for that unborn baby and her mother, desperately wanting some joy for that family after so much pain and brokenness.

 Today was my first day teaching English! There were those that spoke a lot of conversational English and just had a few questions, as well as those who spoke almost none. We learned some basic words and the appropriate grammar. These guys are already ahead of me with their English compared to my little Creole! Learning a new language seems so overwhelming to me, but they are so eager to learn all they can. It was refreshing to me, a reminder to pursue learning Creole, or at least French with fervor and endurance. I'm already thinking about next summer. God willing, I want to come back and be able to talk to so many I wasn't able to before and just continue to help however I can. A lot can happen in a year...I just feel like this is just the beginning here.

I'm still not used to the heat and humidity here though. I've gained a new appreciation for air conditioning, hot water, and just having safe, clean water in general. As good as the Haitian food here is, I miss food at home. I'm going to miss the mangos here though! Today is the first day I'm starting to miss home. I'm sad I'm missing Stampede, but I'm praying for everyone involved and know that God is doing great things! 

It's been a week and the heat and long days are still exhausting. I end up taking a nap from about 5 to 7 in the evening most days, which I'm thankful for. I think I'm getting worn out emotionally as well. Please pray that God would fill me up with His joy and endurance. I'm excited for this next week, I just don't want to be too worn out to soak it all in and help as much as I can.

God is faithful. Every word of encouragement is appreciated, so thank you! 

Thankful

I am so thankful for last night and today. Saturday night was a relaxing movie night with Melissa and DJ. Melissa had a less studying to do so we had more time to talk and learn some Creole! So thankful for this family.

Today was National Children's Day and I had the opportunity to help! I listened to the story of Elisha healing Naaman of leprosy in French and watch Natasha do a wonderful job illustrating the story for the kids and getting them excited. All of the kids were so sweet, such a blessing working with them! I also got to greet and briefly speak with some adults in Creole (using everything I've learned so far) which seemed to mean a lot to them. Trying to learn their language rather than expecting them to know mine is one small way I can serve. 

Encouragement means so much to me and comments are very much appreciated! 

Please just continue to pray for eagerness to serve however I can and eyes to see how He is working. I already feel so blessed with the people that surround me and I'm excited for whatever tomorrow brings!

Expectations

"So you love people? Then serve the ones in front of you."

Being in Haiti thus far is nothing like what I expected. Thursday was emotional, but not for the reasons I thought they would be. Friday was planned to be a day at a refugee camp and ended up being a day at the beach. I've been helping with the big picture, but haven't seen many individual faces. 

 I came in with so many expectations. I felt like I was going in blind but trusted God to do big things. After all, He was the one who has given me this heart for Haiti! But as usual, God has humbled me and shown me, though I don't know the end result, that His plans are different and greater than mine could be. 

I came in thinking that I would get to talk to and hear stories from many people I met. That I would not be as much of an outsider looking in as I was the day I arrived, that I would experience Haiti at its rawest. 

Do I really want to serve to help the Jeanty family and anyone else who asks? Or do I want to serve for the experience itself? I want to tell of the great and awesome things God is doing in Haiti, to be able to share with those praying and reading the blog. I feel not only the expectations I have, but those of others as well.

I have to surrender all my expectations. To be faithful where I'm at. To serve the ones in front of me. 

I don't want to miss what God has in front of me because I'm straining to see what He will do tomorrow, or next week.

God has me exactly where I'm at for a reason. He didn't send me in the middle of a village or on the frontlines of serving those in need. He sent me to bless the Jeanty family and to be willing to serve wherever I'm at.

I know God is working. My prayer is that I would surrender all and to see through His eyes.


I was able to rest well Thursday night and am not nearly as exhausted as I was. I had the opportunity to go to a Haitian funeral with the Jeanty family and even though the man was elderly and I didn't know him...everything reminded me of Nick. It was an emotional day. Friday ended up being a beach day, which it's so strange relaxing in the front end, but I was able to go with a group with Campus Crusade that I will be serving with some next week. I snorkeled for the first time which was fun once I got used to it and had my first fresh coconut. I also got some sun on my face and shoulders though I re-applied twice. It was so great to get to know new people close to my age and just relax and have fun.

Today is Saturday, which meant sleeping in until 9 and having some time before youth group at the church Pastor Jeanty preaches. 

Please pray that my eyes and heart would be open and flexible and that I would be able to see how He is working wherever I am. And also that I would be able to pick up on Creole a little quicker. I'm trying, but just like when I was learning Spanish, it's taking some time.

A Glimpse

So many nameless faces today. Driving from one place to another took us through from what felt like a good part of Port au Prince.  I very much felt like an outsider looking in. So many people hurting but without a name. I found myself having more compassion for a stray dog that barely looked alive...I realized that people can hide their hurt, while animals do not have that ability.

It is the same wherever we live. When the faces are nameless, our compassion is fickle. We cannot see through their eyes without hearing their story.

There were so many people living in places we would hardly consider a building, let alone a home. There were lots of markets and mangos. There was so much I only got s glimpse of. I think most of it hasn't really sunk in yet.

I say that one of my reasons for being here is to learn. As much as that is true, I must first see and hear if I hope to scratch the surface of understanding. 

One thing that struck my heart was a message a child had written that said, "Please no more earthquakes"

Children strike a cord with people because they are vulnerable and honest. Teens and adults are not as transparent, it does not mean their suffering is any less.

Today was more of an introductory day. I'm looking forward to putting names to faces and having the opportunity to better understand people's stories.

I did have the opportunity to learn more about what Edner's ministry does and to meet his father and hear his story. 

One thing that stood out was that Pastor Jeanty Sr and three other men translated the entire Bible into Creole French over 18 years. French is commonly spoken, but Creole is what I understood to be their heart language. There are Haitians that only speak Creole as well, so this was the first time they had the opportunity to hear it. We take so much for granted! People are hearing God's word in its entirety for the first time and so many times we think we don't have time to learn more about who Our God is. 

I have another early morning so I should be able to share more tomorrow night.

Please pray for energy and that God would break my heart for what breaks His. As I see and hear, that I would begin to understand. 

Thoughts

I'm sitting in the airport terminal, sipping Starbucks and waiting for my flight. I'm frustrated I can't change the font from my phone. It's interesting the little things that bother us so much.

I've been overwhelmed the past few days with people encouraging me and letting me know they're praying. I'm at such a peace this morning. I'm also really tired, which could be part of it. But I don't think it is. The rush is over, everything is quiet, and I'm just ready for whatever God has in store for the day. I'm ready, but not prepared... I suppose willing is a better word.

It's funny how people have said they're proud of me or that I'm brave...I don't feel brave. The insecurities of serving without a team have already taken hold. There isn't a team to compensate if I'm sick one day or disappoint someone. I think that's my worst fear- that I will go to serve and not be enough.

But I'm reminded that someone admirable is not perfect and that someone brave is sometimes scared. It's about the action after failure and the trust in spite of fear. And most importantly, it isn't about us anyway. It's about the One who is enough and the Love that compels us to love as we have been loved. It's about trusting the One whose timing and plans are best. I'm just thankful that it isn't about me and that He is strength in my weakness.